Monday, December 8
A Jew is always a Jew, no matter how much you denigrate him - he will not kill for the sake of killing!
Friday, November 21
Tuesday, November 18
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Do you cry under water?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? - (not Zuma, that's for sure)
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . .
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
Friday, November 14
Bournemouth, חשון תשע"ה
They were nine Yidden and the time to start שחרית arrived. It didn't look like there will be a מנין any time soon as it was Thursday, when most of the Shabbos visitors were still out of town.
But I am getting ahead of myself; let's start from last year:
London, אלול תשע"ד
But I am getting ahead of myself - again; let's start from the beginning:
Meir and Malka were privileged to live in Eretz Yisroel and to top it off the Rebbe lived in the same apartment block. With time they became like close family, with Meir milling with the Gaboim and Malka becoming part of the extended family. When they decided to leave the holy land they kept up the קשר for some time but soon this was also a distant memory.
On the morning that this story happened – a good twenty years later - Meir was looking for a מניןand when he was told at the Normandie hotel that there isn't one on the premises, but he should be able to find one down the road, a walk of about five minutes. He followed the instructions and soon noticed an open door.
Whilst he was approaching the house where the Rebbe - by now a son of his old neighbour - the Gaboim started to despair as the clock stroke eight and this meant they will be late. Suddenly they saw a man in his seventies with a Tallisbag tucked under his arm walking in and nonchalantly enquiring about a מנין. Short of jumping through the roof they welcomed him with such joy peppering him with an array of questions in fast-fire fashion: "Meir! How on earth did you drop in here?!", “how did you find us?!” and the like.
They were nine Yidden and one more - the time to start שחרית is now.
The Master Planner arranged it so that old Meir and Malka should come to town Punkt when they were needed
Thursday, October 23
Tuesday, October 7
ShabbatUK is just around the corner, (or just the other side of Sukkos, to be precise).
Two question you need to answer:
b) You will be able to give them a non-restricted experience of how it feels to be with Frummers, without too many strings attached...
Monday, September 29
From: menasche scharf <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: 18 September 2014 09:57
Subject: Siyum on Seder Mo'ed
To: JT <email@example.com>
Daf Yomi participants are eagerly looking forward to completing Seder Mo'ed, which is nearly a third of the Daf Yomi cycle.
Thursday, September 11
11/09/2014 9:16 Finsbury Park shows a delayed 9:14 train due to arrive. I don't rush as whatever the case I will be late. When I reach the platform I skip all the steps up to catch the train that I hear pulling into the station. I ignore the ticketing barriers and opt for the open gate, risking the raised eyebrows from staff and travellers alike. I find a seat in the full train at the far end of the carriage, puffing and panting from the short sprint up the flight of stairs. The lady sitting diagonally opposite me eyes me with obvious concern and from the corner of my eye I am already visualising her grabbing her mobile phone to be on the ready if there is a need for an ambulance. . .
Finally I can breathe normally and I start noticing that the train hasn't departed the station yet. There is an announcement over the PA system to the effect that the delay was caused as they are looking for a driver bla bla...
The saving of five minutes that I was hoping to get by taking the Welwyn Garden City train to New Southgate has just been shaved...
Tuesday, September 9
Monday, August 4
From: "S Elias" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: 3 Aug 2014 20:26
Subject: Fw: Fwd: כוחה של שמע ישראל
Thursday, July 31
It’s Okay. Don’t Cry for Us Israelis
By Naomi Ragen
I’m sitting here in Jerusalem after a week of heartbreak over three murdered
Teens, followed by two weeks of sirens, bomb blasts, and finally, the funerals
Of young IDF soldiers, of whom one-third are students who should be taking their
Final exams, instead of risking their lives. I’m reading on the Internet
About what a horrible person I am as an Israeli and as a Jew, and what a
Terrible, immoral country I live in.
All this criticism comes mainly from the European press: The Guardian, the BBC,
Papers in Italy, Norway, France, and don’t forget America: The New York Times,
CNN. And I’m thinking: Gee, the British should understand. After all, they
Lived through the blitz, Nazis raining bombs indiscriminately down on them, the
Way Hamas is raining bombs down on us. And when the brave pilots of the RAF
Aimed their bombs at Dresden killing 300,000 men, women and children, they
didn’t throw down leaflets telling people to politely evacuate; didn’t send
Their soldiers to knock on doors to see if they’d followed the leaflets
Instructions ( as CNN complained Israel failed to do at an UNRWA school, which
Was probably hit by a Hamas bomb anyway.)
And I think of the rest of Europe, who rounded up our grandparents and
Great-grandparents, and relatives –men, women and children—and sent them off to
Be gassed, no questions asked. And I think: They are now the moral arbiters of
The free world? They are telling the descendants of the people they murdered
How to behave when other anti-Semites want to kill them?
As for Americans, represented by the New York Times, that bastion of high-minded
Hypocrisy and mediocre journalism parading as the “newspaper of record,” one has
Only to read the article by Professor Auerbach in the New York Observer (Two
Weeks of Shallow, Facile Moral Equivalency From the New York Times) to see how
Jodi Rudoren and other Times apparatchiks have learned to close their minds and
Love Hamas. After all, there are CHILDREN DYING. It doesn’t matter that the
Palestinians have educated an entire generation to be little Nazi-wannabes, who
Worship death and hate Jews, murdering their souls, and are now callously
Putting their bodies in harm’s way to use for touching photo ops. We shouldn’t
Be shocked by this omission by the Times. After all, The New York Times was one
Of the last news outlets to bring to the attention of the reading public the
Nazi atrocities in Europe. Read the Times during the nightmare years, and see
If you can’t find a pattern here.
And so, as an Israeli, brought up with Jewish values, and an American, taught to
Love freedom, justice, democracy and fair play, I have to tell all of you-
Europeans, Americans, and last of all Muslim terrorist sympathizers and
Barbarians, that what you are saying no longer moves anyone of good moral
Judgment and intelligence. The current crisis in Gaza is so morally clear-cut,
So absolutely a case of self-defense, that I must say to you, as someone finally
Said to Senator McCarthy: “Sir, have you no shame?”
I prefer that you - writers of these lies and libels-- hate me and my country,
If it means that you can save your tears for other peoples dead. We aren’t
Greedy for sympathy. After all, we got so much after the Holocaust, we prefer
Other people to have their share now. These days, we prefer to live, rather than
Have people cry over us and the injustices done to us.
So by all means, cry for the Palestinian people - men women and children- whose
Duly elected leadership has callously left them without protection from just
Retribution for their terrorist crimes. Who took their aid money and are living
In Qatar in five star hotels building shopping centers for themselves. Who built
Terrorist tunnels under their homes, mosques, hospitals and schools, and
Recruited their sons to die for Allah, while they sit in bunkers waiting for the
U.N. To rescue them.
Don’t cry for us, or our families, or our children, or grandchildren. Not this
Time. Not ever. Not if we can help it. Because this time, thank God, we have
A country. We are armed. This time, with God's help, we know how to protect
Ourselves from Nazis and their high-minded media cheerleaders.
I would like to end this with an expletive and a hand gesture towards the
People I’m addressing. Please choose one you think would be fitting. I can
Think of many.
Tuesday, July 29
חבריי היקרים !
הרגנו ששה מליון יהודים והחלפנו אותם בעשרים מיליון מוסלמים. באושוויץ שרפנו תרבות, מחשבה, יצירתיות, כשרון. הרסנו את העם הנבחר, באמת נבחר, כי הם הולידו אנשים גדולים ונפלאים, אשר שינו את העולם.
תרומתם של אנשים אלה מורגשת בכל תחומי החיים: מדע, אומנות, מסחר בינלאומי ומעל לכל - מצפונו של העולם. אלה האנשים ששרפנו.
ותחת העמדת פנים של סובלנות, ומכיוון שרצינו להוכיח לעצמנו שנרפאנו ממחלת הגזענות, פתחנו שערינו ל20 מליון מוסלמים, אשר הביאו עלינו טיפשות ובורות, קיצוניות דתית ואי-סובלנות, פשע ועוני הנובעים מאי רצון לעבוד ולקיים את משפחותיהם בכבוד.
הם הפכו את הערים הספרדיות היפהפיות שלנו לעולם השלישי, טובעות בזוהמה ופשע.
הם מסתגרים בדירות שקיבלו בחינם מהממשלה ובהן הם מתכננים את הרצח וההרס של מארחיהם התמימים.
וכך - לרוע מזלנו, החלפנו תרבות בשנאה פנאטית, כישרונות יצירתיים בכישורי הרס, אינטליגנציה בפיגור ודעות קדומות. המרנו את רדיפת השלום של יהדות אירופה ותכונתם לתקוות לעתיד טוב יותר לילדיהם, היצמדותם הנחושה בחיים כי החיים קדושים,
איזו טעות נוראה נעשתה על ידי אירופה האומללה.
With these two tablets, another item - albeit intangible - came along, as the Gemorro tells us: "Why oh why is the mountain Choreb nicknamed Sinai? Because thereon an everlasting hatred (lit. "Sinah" in Hebrew) descend, pitting all nations against the chosen nation.
However, we Jews are in no small part to blame for fuelling the hatred. By sitting back and folding our arms saying "we are in the right and nobody in the world will be ordering us around" is not going to explain to the man on the street what we suffered up until this day, what we are going through now and most importantly, what the Arabs had in store for us on our upcoming Day of Judgement (Rosh HaShana 5775).
As a small example, take the fact that the only ones using the Hebrew word for Gaza "עזה" as a meta tag - are the Arabs. See for yourself: go to Google, click on News and then click on Search Tools, followed by the setting "Past Hour" in the second Search Tool option and "Sorted by date" in the third. All you will see is the Palestinian authored websites, in the English language.
Boy boy, is this a boycott?
This is the TxT message that was making the rounds in London this week (W4 of July 2014), which has now been adjusted to cater for the refutations by the companies mentioned in (brackets):
"Do not buy in Fress'n'Fruity,Waitrose, (Sainsbury's and Tesco)! Waitrose (and Tesco) took all their Kosher products off their shelves to boycott Israel. (Sainsbury's send some of their profits to Gaza!) So the least we could do now is NOT to buy in these shops! Please forward to as many people as you can. Don't support our enemies!"
General Publicity: News from soldiers in Israel
12:15pm From a Solider at the Front.
Original in Hebrew....translated into English with a few comments from me. Having been down there a few times, I can personally vouch for the accuracy of this letter. On a personal note, before going down South last night for a pizza delivery to IDF soldiers, my daughter gave me a stack of letters and pictures from children in our community to distribute to the delivery. After giving the soldiers 60 pies, I said, "Wait, I have to give you the letters from the kids..." A soldier stopped everything and said -- "THOSE are the most important...much more than the pizza...and hugged a pile of letters that I gave him."
Am Yisroel Chai!
A soldier on the border writes:
What's happening here in the staging area [area where soldiers prepare to enter Gaza] is beyond comprehension, not rationally, not emotionally and beggars the imagination.
Almost every hour a car shows up overflowing with food, snacks, cold drinks, socks, underwear, undershirts, hygiene supplies, wipes, cigarettes, backgammon and more. They're coming from the North and the Centre, from manufacturers, from companies and private businesses, from prisons, Charedim and Settlers, from Tel Aviv and even Savion.
Every intersection on the way down here we get stopped, not by the police, but by residents giving out food. What is amazing is that the entire situation wasn't organized and everyone is coming on their own without coordination between the folks coming.
They're writing letters and blessings, how they're thinking of us all the time. There are those who spent hours making sandwiches, so they're as perfect and comforting as possible.
Of course representatives of Chabad are here to help soldiers put on Tefillin and distributing Cha'Ta'Ts (Chumash, Tehillim, Tanya) for every troop transport and Breslov are showing up to the border and dancing with the soldiers with great joy.
The Charedim are coming from their yeshivas to ask the names of the soldiers with their mothers' names so that the whole yeshiva can pray for them. It should be mentioned that all of this is done under the threat of the terrorist tunnels and rockets in the area.
Soroka Hospital (in Be'er Sheva) today looks like a 5 star hotel. A wounded friend who was recently discharged told us how the MasterChef truck is parked outside and is preparing food for the wounded.
It goes without saying the amount of prayer services that are going on. On the religious front as well, there are lectures and Torah classes, all the food is obviously Kosher. Shacharis, Mincha, and Ma'ariv with Sifrei Torah. They're giving out tzitzit and Tehillim by the hundreds. It's become the new fashion! The Rabbi of Maglan [Special Forces unit] told me that almost the entire unit has started wearing them, because the Army Rabbinate has been giving out tzitzit that wick away sweat. They're gaining both a Mitzvah and a high quality undershirt. We've started calling them "Shachpatzitzit" (a portmanteau of the Hebrew term for body armour and tzitzit). We're having deep conversations late into the night without arguments, without fights and we find ourselves agreeing on most stuff.
We're making lots of jokes at Hamas's expense and without politics. There's lots more to add but my battery is running low and the staff has been requesting someone give a class on Likutei MoharaN (Breslov).
How happy is the nation that is like this!
WASHINGTON ― Though Israel should never carelessly ignore U.S. pressure, it nevertheless must resist current U.S. efforts to impose a cease-fire on the Israel-Hamas conflict while Israel remains besieged by rockets and tunnels.
To be sure, the United States has provided Israel with vital military, economic and diplomatic support since its founding after World War II and, without bedrock U.S. support, Israel could become dangerously isolated.
This time, however, Jerusalem must accept the growing friction in U.S.-Israeli relations of recent weeks, ignore Washington’s pressure to cease military operations and finish the job for three basic reasons.
First, Israel knows best how to protect itself from the dangers emanating from a terrorist entity on its border that no other nation would tolerate ― nor, frankly, be pressured by Washington to tolerate.
Hamas, which calls for murdering Jews and destroying Israel, has launched thousands of rockets across the Jewish state not just in recent weeks but for years, and its surprisingly sophisticated network of tunnels that Israel was fortunate to discover as part of Operation Protective Edge was designed to enable its operatives to cross the border to kill or capture scores, if not hundreds, of Israelis.
In fact, Israel learned from captured Hamas fighters during its current operation that Hamas planned a massive terror operation during the Jewish High Holidays in late September, with hundreds of fighters crossing into Israel at night and quickly positioning themselves to kill or capture as many Israeli civilians as possible.
No country can live under constant attack from the air or the threat of infiltration from numerous openings in the ground, and it is Israel, not the United States, that suffers directly when Hamas hits its targets.
Second, Hamas ― not Israel ― can bring peace immediately by halting its attacks, dismantling its rockets and filling its tunnels. As Israeli Ambassador Ron Prosor put it aptly, “When it is quiet in Israel, it will be quiet in Gaza.”
After all, Hamas is the aggressor, Israeli the responder. Hamas seeks to kill as many innocent Israelis as possible and, by hiding in schools, mosques and hospitals, force Israel to kill as many innocent Gazans as possible.
Even while battling a genocidal group under such circumstances, Israel seeks to limit death and destruction by warning Gazans of coming attacks, treating Gazans who are caught in the crossfire at Israeli hospitals and restoring power to Gaza after Hamas hits power lines.
Thus, in its efforts to end the current Israeli-Hamas conflict and promote long-term Israeli-Palestinian peace, the United States would be well-advised to shift its public pressure from Israel to Hamas.
Third, Jerusalem has legitimate concerns about whether Washington understands the essence of this conflict, the nature of its combatants, and the best way forward for Israel in its turbulent neighborhood.
Although the United States is Israel’s most important ally, only Jerusalem can decide how to protect its people from relentless terrorist attack in a global environment that unfairly targets the Jewish state and excuses its enemies.
By Lawrence J. Haas, A former communications director for Vice President Al Gore, Lawrence J. Haas is a senior fellow at the American Foreign Policy Council. ― Ed. (McClatchy-Tribune News Service) (MCT Information Services)
Thursday, July 24
Two blnt haired girls, aged 9 & 10 casually crossed the northern part of the pelican crossing. They pressed the button on the traffic light to change the red man for a green one. Apparently they were in a rush because they didn't wait for the light to change. The oncoming morning rush hour traffic came to an abrupt halt, miraculously stopping without causing any collision between the truck hauling building materials and the vehicles behind it.
The lorry driver was as shocked as the onlookers on the street, as the two youngsters chatted amicably whilst walking on the road like sitting ducks.
One bystander reprimanded them to be more careful but they shrugged him off as if he were a mere nuisance, disturbing their conversation with his nonsensical, unsolicited advice.
This article is not aimed at finding whom to blame for this near-tragedy, only to highlight a possible gap in the curriculae of our otherwise excellent schools and Chadorim.
Schools are reminded to ensure that their student body is well trained in the subjects that will help them in their future life. They should allow some space in their busy schedules to teach their pupls how to survive until they can use the skills they are taught. Part of this is how to cross the roads safely and with the traffic drivers in mind.
Wednesday 8:34AM 09/03/2011, Clapton Common
Two girls, aged 9 & 10 casually crossed the northern part of the pelican crossing near the Clapton Common pond. They pressed the button on the traffic light to replace the "Red man" for a "Green man". Apparently they were in a rush because they didn't wait for the light to change.
The oncoming morning rush hour traffic came to an abrupt halt, stopping miraculously without causing any collision between the loaded truck in the lead, hauling building materials and the vehicles behind it.
The lorry driver was as shocked as the onlookers on the pavement, whilst the two youngsters were walking on the road like sitting ducks, chatted amicably.
One bystander reprimanded them to be more careful but they shrugged him off as if he were a mere nuisance, disturbing their conversation with his nonsensical, unsolicited advice.
Schools aim to ensure that their student body is well trained in the subjects that will help them in their future life. Educators should allow some space in their busy schedules to teach their pupils survival skills so they can implement the lessons that they were taught. Part of the effort should be to engrave into the conscience of their charges, how to cross the roads safely and with traffic in mind.
To the parents of these girls - and for the same matter, to all parents - please teach your children the rudimentary of safely walking the streets. You will ensure their safety, the time of the many volunteers in Hazolo and the anguish of passersby, like the undersigned
Published in the Jewish Tribune that week, thanks to the Editor Dan levy
Monday, July 21
From: menasche scharf <email@example.com>
Date: 16 July 2014 00:43
Subject: Askanim, Miskenim or Mesukanim
To: Letters to Editor <firstname.lastname@example.org>