Friday, November 21

מהשם מצעדי גבר כוננו ודרכו יחפץ HASHGOCHOH PROTIS

A Hashgochoh Protis story that emerged after the Har Nof massacre:
One of the Mispallelim in the Shul where the attack happened needs someone to drive him to Shul every morning, as he’s very old.  On the morning of the horrible events, he called a Taxi but was told that they will only have one in half an hour.  He tried another taxi company but the same answer was given.  He decided to try and flag a taxi off the road and so took his Zimmerframe and hobbled down to the street.  By the time he reached the road he realised that by now the Minyan would be up to Yishtabach and so there was no point going there as he won’t catch the Amidah anyway.  Only after he heard the noise from the emergency vehicles and some news started flooding in, did he realise why no taxi company had a car available for him. 

Tuesday, November 18

תורה חסה על ממונם של ישראל!

Can you please pass on the following to your mailing list, perhaps with a request to forward it on:

Please! When traveling to Italy on business or for a holiday - beware!  There dozens of gangs roaming around the exhibition halls, hotels and stations who 'organise' any of the following 'accidents' and offer you their curteous help - only for you to fall in their trap when afterwards you realise that you've been robbed clean!!!

This has happened as follows:
Example 1: You drive along after purchasing your new stock of jewellery when suddenly a neighbouring car indicates that your tyre is nearly flat.  WHen you stop the car they converge on it from anydie and when they have finished replacing your tyre you  realise that all your possesions have vanished.

Example 2: You sit in the train  minding your own business.  Suddnly a commotion ensues, as a few rogues start to harass an old lady, trying to tear awa her handbag or all her luggage comes tumbling down from the overhead racks.  When you get up to offer help, they seem to be frightened away and you return to your seat.  Lo and behold, your luggage has disappeared.

Example 3: You stand at a bus stop waiting and a professionally looking couple, town map in hand approach you looking a bit distressed.  They start asking you for directions, ignoring your explanations - both verbal and in sign language - until they 'give up'.  When you turn around looking at your attache case, it's gone!

Questions with questionable answers...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? - (not Zuma, that's for sure)
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Friday, November 14

Hashgochoh Protis V

“The tenth man”

Bournemouth, חשון תשע"ה

They were nine Yidden and the time to start  שחרית arrived. It didn't look like there will be a מנין any time soon as it was Thursday, when most of the Shabbos visitors were still out of town.

But I am getting ahead of myself; let's start from last year:

London, אלול תשע"ד
The new year was fast approaching so we decided to wish old Aunty Malka and even older Uncle Meir a לשנה טובה in person.  When we arrived they were very happy to see us but her health was failing and his nerves frazzled from caring for his wife. We realised that they need a holiday - urgently. The earliest possible Shabbos we could arrange a flat in Bournemouth would be פרשת לך לך, well after ראש השנהhowever we surmised that the mere fact that they were going for a break will help them tidy them over until then.
We confirmed the booking with the landlord and made the necessary Shabbos arrangements.

But I am getting ahead of myself - again; let's start from the beginning:
Meir and Malka were privileged to live in Eretz Yisroel and to top it off the Rebbe lived in the same apartment block. With time they became like close family, with Meir milling with the Gaboim and Malka becoming part of the extended family. When they decided to leave the holy land they kept up the קשר for some time but soon this was also a distant memory.

On the morning that this story happened – a good twenty years later - Meir was looking for a  מניןand when he was told at the Normandie hotel that there isn't one on the premises, but he should be able to find one down the road, a walk of about five minutes. He followed the instructions and soon noticed an open door.

Whilst he was approaching the house where the Rebbe - by now a son of his old neighbour - the Gaboim started to despair as the clock stroke eight and this meant they will be late.  Suddenly they saw a man in his seventies with a Tallisbag tucked under his arm walking in and nonchalantly enquiring about a מנין.  Short of jumping through the roof they welcomed him with such joy peppering him with an array of questions in fast-fire fashion: "Meir! How on earth did you drop in here?!", “how did you find us?!” and the like.

They were nine Yidden and one more - the time to start שחרית is now.

The Master Planner arranged it so that old Meir and Malka should come to town Punkt when they were needed