If you are one of our children, press 1
If you need us to stay with your children, press 2
If you want to borrow our car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes and do the ironing, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, press 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or take us out tonight - start talking! we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"
First published on 21 July 2014, on Jewish P.O.S.T. - the Jewish Voice for the People Of South Tottenham (now defunct).