About Learning - About Earning
Q: Rabbi Hanshteter, I am in a quandary. My wife recently had to give up her job. We have been talking about our Parnasah needs and the inability of our Kollel budget to keep up with our growing expenses for some time.
At this point I feel I must either go out to work to bring in Parnasah or borrow money to live for the next six months when she may then be able to get back to work.
We will have a hard time paying it back in the future as even if she does get back to a job with the same earning power we do not normally have extra funds available at the end of a month to use toward paying our debt.
I do think with Mesiras Nefesh we could manage it. My wife is very opposed to me leaving Kollel. I am not certain, especially if she may get back to work in the future and I can go back to Kollel. SHMUEL - Lakewood, NJ
A: DEAR SHMUEL: First of all, let me congratulate you on finding such an Aishes Chayil who sacrificed a lot so you could devote your time to Torah.
Kudos to her on a job well done and it is clear that you want your home to be one of Torah.
I'd like to cut to the chase and be totally straight with you about this tender topic.
The husband's job is clearly to go out to earn a living and the wife's is to stay home, raise the children and attend to the needs of the household. Whether you like it or not, that's how Hashem intended it
Now if you don't believe me on this, I want to point out three instances where these roles were reversed and take a good look at the results.
The first was Chava, who 'provided' her husband Adam with the forbidden fruit of the Etz Hadaas.
Needless to say, that fruit opened up a real can of worms.
The second was Pharaoh whilst the Jews were in Egyptian Exile, and well. . . you know the story there.
The third are the feminists who lobbied and still campaign for equal rights for women. And one of those rights which they worked so hard for is to increase the woman's standing in the workplace.
With that small step into the business world feminists took one giant leap out of a woman's place in life. If you can tell me how a die-hard devotion to business and getting ahead in the world couples with the wellspring of internal focus and devotion needed to raise a family I would love to hear it.
Sometimes, hard times demand that a woman goes out to work. But at the same time she has to know that she is only HELPING her husband and that this is NOT her main job.
The only exception to this rule is a couple who decided to rely on Hashem and take on a life of learning. In this case the man's job is to learn and his wife's is to work some as so to make ends meet.
In this special circumstance due to her Mesiras Nefesh she may be granted special Siyate Dishmaye to manage her work and home roles. (In essence this is because her place in the work world is motivated by total devotion to her home life and NOT an expression of feminism which essentially undermines her character.)
After the wedding most couples stay in Kollel for at least a few years. This decision is well supported by the Gedolei Yisroel for many reasons and highly beneficial to the couple.
However, it sounds to me like you are way passed that stage. You may be in debt, and from what you write struggling to make ends meet, so its time to buckle up. You've got to go to work.
The Mishne says "It is good to work with Torah, because combined they withhold you from sin." I personally know many men whose Torah learning is totally undiminished by their having to go to work.
As a matter of fact I know a working man who published quite a sophisticated commentary on the Sefer Pri Megadim. Imagine that!
I also know a fellow with a simple blue collar job who learns more hours than many Kollel Yungeleit.
Torah learning and working can complement each other beautifully.
When asked this question, the late Belzer Rebbe zt"l said that when a man goes to work to earn a living and continues to devote the rest of his time to Torah learning, he remains a Kollel Yungerman. The Rebbe repeated himself "Do you hear Shmuel it is not like staying a Ben-Torah, he is a Ben-Torah.
I heard this from the person who the Rebbe told this to. Incidentally, his name was Shmuel too (just like yourself.)
To conclude, I think you have to give this your own serious consideration. Either go in for total Mesiras Nefesh (with the consent of your wife and children) or remain a Ben-Torah with a side job that might last daily only from 9 to 5.
By: Rabbi Chaim Hanshteter - Tel: +323 231 2270
