On Rosh Hashono you blow a horn
On Yom Kippur you hit your chest
Between the above two you swing a chicken
After Yom Kippur you build a Sukkah
On Sukkos you shake Arba Minim
On Chol Hamo’ed you go to the zoo
On Hoshana Rabba you knock Hoshanos
On Shemini Atzeret you dance with the Torah
After Simchat Torah you destroy the Sukkah
On Mother Rachel’s Yahrzeit put on a red string
On Chanuka you light candles
On Chanuka you spin Dreydles
On Asarah beTevet you roll Sefer Torah
On Tu BeShvat you eat new fruit
On Purim night you turn the gragger
On Purim night you turn the cork...
After Purim you detox…
The night of Erev Pesach you inspect your house
Erev Pesach by day you burn Chometz
On Pesach you drink four cups
On Lag BaOmer you call the Fire department
On Shavuot night you become a Scholar
On Shavuot you become Milky
In the nine days you stop eating meat
On Tisha BeAv you weep hot tears
On Shemittah you chuck fruit and vegetables
At a Chuppah you throw confetti
First published on 18 May 2016, on Jewish P.O.S.T. - the Jewish Voice for the People Of South Tottenham (this Blog is now defunct).
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