This letter is
from a Chassidic dad to his adult OTD daughter.
My dearest
Suri,
As I fasted
today, I sat and reflected on what our fast is all about. Why was our beautiful
home in Yerushalayim destroyed? Why did the presence of HaShem leave us? What
did we do to drive ourselves into this long bitter Galus?
I always knew
the answer, but I don't think I understood it as well as I do right now. It was
destroyed because
·
We were
judgmental of those who did not ACT the way we wanted them to act.
·
We were
embarrassed of those who did not DRESS the way that we wanted them to dress.
·
We looked
down at those that did not TALK the way we wanted them to talk.
And our
misplaced ego caused us to think that we are better than they are.
This is what
caused us to destroy ourselves completely. Without having an Ayin Tovah, a favourable
and understanding eye on those around us, we are not deserving of having the
divine presence of Hashem live among us. We threw ourselves out with our
self-righteous mindset.
Which group of
us caused the destruction? The ones “on the derech” or the ones “off the derech”?
On this I sit
and cry... my eyes fill with tears... the epiphany just hit me like a ton of
bricks: It was not the ones wearing jeans
that caused the destruction, rather, it was the ones not wearing jeans who then looked down upon those who wore
the jeans!
WE are the
ones who destroyed the beis Hamikdosh and we have not yet corrected our sin!
In fact, with
Torah and Mitzvos being so strong... we have perhaps even strengthened our
sin... we have taken it to a higher level.
I look at
myself... am I not part of the group who uses our beautiful religion to look
down at others?
And if so, am
I not the one responsible for our current exile? What good is my fasting and
sitting on the floor if I cannot face the truth that “I” am currently
responsible for this tragedy?!
I now fully
realise that it is not you and your friends who are preventing Moshiach from
coming... it is me and my friends!
I wrote my own
Kinnos:
·
Woe is to me
for I have repeated and repeated the original sin that caused the Churban!
·
Woe is to me
for I have stabbed my own flesh and blood!
·
Woe is to me
for I took the holy Torah that is supposed to be sweet and peaceful
"Derocheyhoh
Darchei NO’AM Vechol Nesivoseyhoh SHALOM"; the Torah’s ways are sweet and its
paths lead to peace - I used it to form a dagger that I then used to stab you -
and others - over and over again!!
And so after a
long day of fasting and contemplation, I look back at the way that I treated
you and for this I now sit and cry. My dear sweet beloved Suri!!
How can I ever
take back the pain that I caused you?
How can I ever
repay you for the smiles and hugs that you so deserved... but didn’t get from
me because I was too busy justifying to myself why it is OK for me to look down
at you… to judge you harshly… and to actively destroy the Bais Hamikdosh?
How can I give
you back the lost years?
My dear Suri,
a long long long time ago, I looked into the future and dreamed about the day
that you would grow up, mature, learn right from wrong, wake up from your
selfishness and finally come ask me for forgiveness… but after a lot of inner
searching... “I” grew up, and “I” matured, and “I” learned right from wrong,
and now “I” finally finally woke up from MY selfish, haughty, egotistical,
judgmental attitude!
And now on
this painful day I turn to you and I ask you – no, I BEG you - for
forgiveness!!
·
I accept upon
myself to shower you with love and affection, with hugs and kisses, and to do
everything in my power to always be there for you through thick and thin!
·
I pledge to
work so so hard to make up for all of the pain that I caused you.
·
I pledge to
never look down at you, your friends, or on ANY JEW ever again.
·
I am DONE
with the negative attitude! I am DONE with being the judge and jury to another
Yid!
·
I am DONE
with thinking that I am BETTER than ANY other Jew in Klal Yisrael.
·
I am DONE
being a part of the problem... and I pledge that as of right this moment...
·
I will become
a part of the SOLUTION!!
My Suri,
please open your heart to me... please open your arms to me... hug me, hold my
hand and let us build the beis Hamikdosh together…
What do you
say?
Your loving
Tutty
Sent from my
BlackBerry 10 smartphone
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