The question actually warmed my heart. It came from a
responsible bochur, who had recently organised an event in Yeshiva. ‘How can I
show appreciation to 3 bochurim who really helped make the shabbos hisachdus
a success?’. He explained to me why a bar of chocolate accompanied with a note
would be inappropriate, and just a ‘Thank you’ itself would be dismissed as a
nicety.
Yes, and it got me thinking. Fostering a train, a flow, a
chain, a continuum of chesed is not simple. That an action of chesed
by one individual, should automatically breed and create ripples of further
acts of kindness by others, is not a given. We find this stark reality, as chazal
point out, that although the prime cause of the churban bayis sheini was
due to sinas chinam, [1]nevertheless
Gemilus Chasodim was still practiced.
Could it be, that the two, chesed and sinas chinam,
could even be linked, that chesed could actually even spark sinas
chinam ? Could it even be, that on occasion one must even rein oneself in from
acting benevolently, as this will only be the cause of animosity in the long
run?
The Steipler Ztl is [2]bothered
by a seemingly incomprehensible statement that Chazal make. [3]Kol
odom shain boi dayoh, ossur lerachem olov . ‘It is forbidden to have
compassion on anyone, who does not have intelligence’. Surely this goes against
all our principles; this can’t be understood at face value. We place utmost importance
in our communities in caring for children and for all others, however limited their
intelligence is? We are privileged to be carriers of the unique genes of
Avrohom Yitzchok and Yaacov, and with those physical chips we also
inherited our [4]hallmarked
characters. We have no debate about euthanasia, our chesed is performed regardless
of the beneficiaries intelligence, but rather being based on their inherent Tzelem
Elokim ?
Stand back! The Steipler ztl is about to enlighten us with an
incredible insight, to my mind it is as if he launches a brilliant flare which
totally illuminates the night sky.
Chazal are blowing the whistle and warning us ‘Don’t
do chesed to an ingrate, with one who shows no gratitude, but rather
views his benefactors with disdain, and sees them as weak selfish egoistic
personalities fulfilling their own needs’.
But what could be so wrong performing
chesed to these individuals, surely it makes the benefactor even more
altruistic? Explains the Steipler ztl that in order for this ingrate to demonstrate that he is not a
recipient, he will actually play broigez. ‘Why are you bothering me, I
can manage fine, why are you intruding into my comfort zone, can’t you see I
don’t want you, and I don’t need you’.
This will further result in the benefactor feeling slighted and hurt, and very
soon hatred will follow in its wake.
But it doesn’t end there, because he does need your
help, and he will be back, and the next time your kindness will still
be aroused despite his despicable behaviour. But you are a little wary this
time and not as forthcoming, not wanting to be kicked in your face. But then comes the real explosion, ‘ You call
yourself a kind person – yeah your such a fopper , look just because I
didn’t thank you on the front page of the papers, you are broigez
with me now, you see I was right, everybody knows that you do it all for
attention and recognition!’. Ouch!
Chazal tell us ‘Beware before it is too late, don’t get
involved with ingrates to begin with, it will only spawn [5]hatred,
not the loving kindness that you so wish for. Perhaps this is also an
understanding, of how it is possible
for sinas chinom to co- exist with gemilas chesed.
Blind kindness, can be truly blind. Of course we want to
bring more kindness into the world, but we must listen to chazal who
constantly guide us in everything, as to how to perform chesed.
Unfortunately at times we may need to stand back, even restrain our ourselves
from doing chesed , despite our
burning desire to assist.
Those that ‘Repay good with bad’, have been indicted by [6]Rabein
Yonah as ‘Those whose sin are beyond forgiveness’. Unfortunately as a result of
the [7]prolonged
ravages of this Golus, there are those sad beings whose middos have
taken a beating, their beautiful golden personalities have become contorted and
twisted out of shape. We may not be able to help everyone. We daven
that Hashem should bring the Geulah speedily in our days, and that our [8]inner
Botei Mikdosh will also be restored to their full former glory.
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