Reply To Frummer

I have been sent the folloiing link: http://frummer.blogspot.com/2006/02/no-place-to-call-home.html, to which I replied as follows:

to : offthederech@gmail.com

Re: please all fathers and mechanchim read it when you have time

Hi Tuli and all your co-irreligionists,

In response to your forwarded message, please allow me to have my say:

Once you generalise, you cross the border of decency, honesty and objectivity (not necessarily in this order).

The guy who wrote this (see below) obviously chose to discuss problems with like-minded people; this would never pass a score with the pollsters at Gallup, or any other self-respecting polling outfit.

Rather, stop accusing, abusing and refusing! Take the bull by the horn and bite the bullet! Read up on the source of all evil and learn how to tackle it.

By just placing an all-encompassing blanket accusation on a cosmic world of Torah, Chessed and Kedusha, some self destructing individuals seek to destroy others after having been destroyed themselves. If you can't join them don't beat them!

Even the most intelligent of the lot you mention in your superfluous and superficial thesis have yet to invest of their precious time to search for valid, solid - not sordid - answers. Assuming that these disenfranchised youngsters have not had the buttocks to keep their pants on a Yeshiva bench long enough to finisha Blatt Gefes (=acronym for: Gemoro, Perush Rashi and Tosafot) on their own - logic would dictate they could also not sit hours on end seeking solutions to their problems.

Rather they pick up vignettes and catch phrases from the street, from like-minded intellectuals who most of the time will hide behind a veneer of concern for their welfare and spew forth their venom in an acid like torrent. It is to be expected that they would use the generalisation they use, for there is still some self respect in the community and it will not be dragged down by the dreg of the bottomless pit called ba'aley aveyroh - to use a civilised term.

Now to the point: as with any other social issue, ther will always be diverging reasons as to what is/are the cause/s for a given problem. However, the writer of this missive has chosen to focus on a single issue and this can only mean : personal experience.

Yes, it is true that nowadays it is I N to be O U T,
Yes, it also true that the street is stronger than the home,
Yes, it is true that friends who dropped aside (!) seem to be having a good time
Yes, it is true that the kids will stand around you in - what you would consider - either awe or envy
Yes, it is true that the leaders of the community suddenly wake up to the fact that you really exist

Nevertheless, just stop and try to remember the one and maybe the only time in cheder, when you found the solution to a difficult question, when you scored above your average, when your brow was sweating in concentration - can you compare the timeless satisfaction to your current roller-coaster existence?

The root of the problem is purely mathematical:
New Family = Parnoso ---> Parnoso = Work ---> Child = More Parnoso More Parnoso = Hard Work ---> Hard Work = Stress ---> Children = More Parnoso ---> More Parnoso = Longer Hours --->
Longer Hours = More Stress ---> More Stress + More Children ---> Less Attention to Family & Friends ---> Latch-Door Family ---> Breakup of Family Unit.

Solution:
1) Prayer for Divine Help - after all, you believe in Him; otherwise you wouldn't rebel as strongly as you do...
2) Lower Materialistic Expectations - toghten your belt and buy less frivolous foodstuffs and fashion gear. Your credit scoring will also improve considerably...
3) Increase Attention to Family & Friends - renew your connection with and where you left off with, they are there for you waiting to give and forgive, emulating their Maker
4) Speak to those in the know: Rabbis - the ones whom you despise for whatever reason. Indeed, they knwo far more about anything you wanted to know and will answer your questions with patience. Remember to polish your shoes and improve your slang, after all, you would do this in front of a senator wouldn't you? You will be surprised how they will relate to you and your misgivings. Remember to objectively delete from your list Rabbis who have shown incompetence in dealing with issues affecting you.

If you have read until this point, choose one the four points and give it a chance.

Good luck and see you in Shul tomorrow!