Egypt is closer to the Israelis than the EU

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: menasche.scharf@gmail.com
Date: 2 Mar 2015 13:08
Subject: Re: Fwd: Egypt is closer to the Israelis than the EU
To: Laurence Hoppen <laurence81@virginmedia.com>
Cc: Sherri H <sherri_hoppen@yahoo.co.uk>, Ronald Stein <ceg@ronaldstein.co.uk>

Throughout the history, events unfolded along the patterns of the Jewish people's "overall performance": when they turned their backs to the Creator and His Book of Life - he turned His back to their plight, effectively 'throwing the book at them'.
Let the politicians have it out in parliament and let the journalists lose their heads (if they stick'em in the wrong hot spots) - these global issues will not be solved in a logical manner.
As private individuals, we needn't be worried by what the EU - or for that matter the UAE - thinks of Israel.  We only have to ask ourselves: "as people hailing from a pedigree that brought civilisation so much greatness, are we doing our part properly?".
Once we put our house in order, all the other pieces shall fall nicely into place.
Fact: since 1948 Israel has gone from being a backwater in the middle east to becoming the most progressive success story of the twentieth century.

Despite absorption of refugees from dozens of countries
Despite immigrants speaking a virtual hotchpotch of languages
Despite unceasing wars and skirmishes
Despite a succession of short lived governments
Despite a local workforce of only 50%
Despite a geography that has only 50% of arable land
Despite many other factors working against her, Israel has excelled in more areas than any other country in the world.
Be it science or medicine, armaments and strategy, charity and society, agriculture and botany, information and semiconductor technology, literature and arts, aviation and navyation, mathematics and physics, town and urban development, road and rail unfrastructure, which were nearly all non-existent 70 years ago!

Just a little thought. . .

Menasche Scharf

07974 160 252

On 1 Mar 2015 10:36, "Laurence Hoppen" <laurence81@virginmedia.com> wrote:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Alex Hoppen <alex.hoppen@yahoo.co.uk>
Date: 1 March 2015 at 10:16
Subject: Egypt is closer to the Israelis than the EU
To: "laurence81@virginmedia.com" <laurence81@virginmedia.com>

Egypt lists Hamas as terrorist group

				Egypt lists Hamas as terrorist group An Egyptian court designates the Palestinian group Hamas as a terrorist organisation, accusing it of supporting an insurgency in northern Sinai.
				View on www.bbc.co.uk	Preview by Yahoo

EU court takes Hamas off terror list

				EU court takes Hamas off terror list A European Union court annuls the blocs decision to keep Hamas on a list of terrorist groups, but temporarily maintains a funding freeze.
				View on www.bbc.co.uk	Preview by Yahoo

Evidence I

Menasche Scharf

07974 160 252

Irish Blessing (I want this back).

Having seen this story before, without the Irish amendment, I am reminded that the Ancient Egyptians had already been using some moulds for various medicinal and food processing purposes, so Fleming was only the latest link in this stage of harnesing these wonder tools. Don't forget that they also had one of the first usages of email - called then egyptian hierogliphics - to communicate with!

(Irish Luck - Remember to send it back!)

I want this back. It DOES work.

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. 

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'

'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.

'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly. 

'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St Mary's Hospital Medical School inLondon, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted

Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill ... His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill

Someone once said:

What goes around comes around. 

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening.

Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

It's National Friendship Week. Send this to everyone you consider A FRIEND.

Pass this on and brighten some ones day.

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH:

I hope it works...

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

And may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead..

OK, this is what you have to do... Send this to all of your friends.

But - you HAVE to send this within 1 hour from when you open it!

Now.....Make A wish!! I hope you made your wish!

Now then, if you send to:

1 person --- your wish will be granted in 1 year

3 people --- 6 months

5 people --- 3 months

6 people --- 1 month

7 people --- 2 weeks

8 people --- 1 week

9 people --- 5 days

10 people --- 3 days

12 people --- 2 days

15 people --- 1 day

20 people --- 3 hours

If you delete this after you read it, you will have 1 year of bad luck!

But, if you send it to 2 of your friends, you will automatically have 3 years good luck!!!  

WHAT WE OWE THE JEWS!!!! GREAT MESSAGE

THIS IS A GREAT MESSAGE THAT NEEDS SHARING!

It makes one think!

A short time ago, Iran's Supreme Leader Grand Ayatollah Ali Khomeini urged the Muslim World to boycott anything and everything that originates with the Jewish people.

In response, Meyer M. Treinkman, a pharmacist, out of the kindness of his heart, offered to assist them in their boycott as follows:

"Any Muslim who has Syphilis must not be cured by Salvarsan discovered by a Jew, Dr. Ehrlich.

He should not even try to find out whether he has Syphilis, because the Wasserman Test is the discovery of a Jew. If a Muslim suspects that he has Gonorrhea, he must not seek diagnosis, Because he will be using the method of a Jew named Neissner.

"A Muslim who has heart disease must not use Digitalis, a discovery by a Jew, Ludwig Traube.

Should he suffer with a toothache, he must not use Novocaine, a discovery of the Jews, Widal and Weil.

If a Muslim has Diabetes, he must not use Insulin, the result of research by Minkowsky, a Jew.

If one has a headache, he must shun Pyramidon and Antypyrin, due to the Jews, Spiro and Ellege.

Muslims with convulsions must put up with them because it was a Jew, Oscar Leibreich, who proposed the use of Chloral Hydrate.  Arabs must do likewise with their psychic ailments because Freud, father of psychoanalysis, was a Jew.

Should a Muslim child get Diphtheria, he must refrain from the "Schick" reaction which was invented by the Jew, Bella Schick.

"Muslims should be ready to die in great numbers and must not permit treatment of ear and brain damage, work of Jewish Nobel Prize winner, Robert Baram.

They should continue to die or remain crippled by Infantile Paralysis because the discoverer of the anti-polio vaccine is a Jew, Jonas Salk.

"Muslims must refuse to use Streptomycin and continue to die of Tuberculosis because a Jew, Zalman Waxman, invented the wonder drug against this killing disease.

Muslim doctors must discard all discoveries and improvements by dermatologist Judas

Sehn Benedict, or the lung specialist, Frawnkel, and of many other world renowned

Jewish scientists and medical experts.

"In short, good and loyal Muslims properly and fittingly should remain afflicted with

Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Heart Disease, Headaches, Typhus, Diabetes, Mental Disorders, Polio Convulsions and Tuberculosis and be proud to obey the Islamic boycott."

Oh, and by the way, don't call for a doctor on your cell phone because the cell phone was invented in Israel by a Jewish engineer.

Meanwhile I ask, what medical contributions to the world have the Muslims made?

The Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000; that is ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world's population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature: 1988 - Najib Mahfooz

Peace:1978 - Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat

1990 - Elias James Corey

1994 - Yaser Arafat:

1999 - Ahmed Zewai

Economics:(zero)

Physics:(zero)

Medicine: 1960 - Peter Brian Medawar 1998 - Ferid Mourad

TOTAL: 7 SEVEN

The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000; that is FOURTEEN MILLION or about 0.02% of the world's population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature: 1910 - Paul Heyse

1927 - Henri Bergson

1958 - Boris Pasternak

1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon

1966 - Nelly Sachs

1976 - Saul Bellow

1978 - Isaac Bashevis Singer

1981 - Elias Canetti

1987 - Joseph Brodsky

1991 - Nadine Gordimer World

Peace: 1911 - Alfred Fried

1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser

1968 - Rene Cassin

1973 - Henry Kissinger

1978 - Menachem Begin

1986 - Elie Wiesel

1994 - Shimon Peres

1994 - Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:

1905 - Adolph Von Baeyer

1906 - Henri Moissan

1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson

1908 - Gabriel Lippmann

1910 - Otto Wallach

1915 - Richard Willstaetter

1918 - Fritz Haber

1921 - Albert Einstein

1922 - Niels Bohr

1925 - James Franck

1925 - Gustav Hertz

1943 - Gustav Stern

1943 - George Charles de Hevesy

1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi

1952 - Felix Bloch

1954 - Max Born

1958 - Igor Tamm

1959 - Emilio Segre

1960 - Donald A. Glaser

1961 - Robert Hofstadter

1961 - Melvin Calvin

1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau

1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz

1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman

1965 - Julian Schwinger

1969 - Murray Gell-Mann

1971 - Dennis Gabor

1972 - William Howard Stein

1973 - Brian David Josephson

1975 - Benjamin Mottleson

1976 - Burton Richter

1977 - Ilya Prigogine

1978 - Arno Allan Penzias

1978 - Peter L Kapitza

1979 - Stephen Weinberg

1979 - Sheldon Glashow

1979 - Herbert Charles Brown

1980 - Paul Berg

1980 - Walter Gilbert

1981 - Roald Hoffmann

1982 - Aaron Klug

1985 - Albert A. Hauptman

1985 - Jerome Karle

1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach

1988 - Robert Huber

1988 - Leon Lederman

1988 - Melvin Schwartz

1988 - Jack Steinberger

1989 - Sidney Altman

1990 - Jerome Friedman

1992 - Rudolph Marcus

1995 - Martin Perl

2000 - Alan J. Heeger

Economics:

1970 - Paul Anthony Samuelson

1971 - Simon Kuznets

1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow

1975 - Leonid Kantorovich

1976 - Milton Friedman

1978 - Herbert A. Simon

1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein

1985 - Franco Modigliani

1987 - Robert M. Solow

1990 - Harry Markowitz

1990 - Merton Miller

1992 - Gary Becker

1993 - Robert Fogel

Medicine:

1908 - Elie Metchnikoff

1908 - Paul Erlich

1914 - Robert Barany

1922 - Otto Meyerhof

1930 - Karl Landsteiner

1931 - Otto Warburg

1936 - Otto Loewi

1944 - Joseph Erlanger

1944 - Herbert Spencer Gasser

1945 - Ernst Boris Chain

1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller

1950 - Tadeus Reichstein

1952 - Selman Abraham Waksman

1953 - Hans Krebs

1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann

1958 - Joshua Lederberg

1959 - Arthur Kornberg

1964 - Konrad Bloch

1965 - Francois Jacob

1965 - Andre Lwoff

1967 - George Wald

1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg

1969 - Salvador Luria

1970 - Julius Axelrod

1970 - Sir Bernard Katz

1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman

1975 - Howard Martin Temin

1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg

1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow

1978 - Daniel Nathans

1980 - Baruj Benacerraf

1984 - Cesar Milstein

1985 - Michael Stuart Brown

1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein

1986 - Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]

1988 - Gertrude Elion

1989 - Harold Varmus

1991 - Erwin Neher

1991 - Bert Sakmann

1993 - Richard J. Roberts

1993 - Phillip Sharp

1994 - Alfred Gilman

1995 - Edward B. Lewis

1996- Lu RoseIacovino

TOTAL: 129!

The Jews are NOT promoting brainwashing children in military training camps, teaching them how to blow themselves up and cause maximum deaths of Jews and other non-Muslims.

The Jews don't hijack planes, nor kill athletes at the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants.

There is NOT one single Jew who has destroyed a church.

There is NOT a single Jew who protests by killing people.

The Jews don't traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for Jihad and death to all the Infidels.

Perhaps the world's Muslims should consider investing more in standard education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.

Muslims must ask 'what can they do for humankind' before they demand that humankind respects them.

Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and the Palestinians and Arab neighbors, even if you believe there is more culpability on Israel 's part, the following two sentences really say it all:

'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel."

Benjamin Netanyahu: General Eisenhower warned us. It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect: 'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses - because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened'

Recently, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never occurred.

It is not removed as yet. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.

Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be 'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

This e-mail is intended to reach 400 million people. Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.

How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center 'NEVER HAPPENED' because it offends some Muslim in the United States?

Je suis Juif

The time has come for all upstanding citizens of the free world, who claim ancestry to the oldest of the three main European religions, to start living like Jews.
For the past two hundred and fifty years they and their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents tried to assimilate, integrate or ingratiate themselves in, with or by the European public.
The backlash came in many and varying forms and degrees: Dreyfuss, The Protocols, Nazism, Communism and - yes: Zionism.
The more the non-affiliated Jew has been attempting a dash across the divide, from the Jewish side to the ill-perceived Arian side, the more and the harder he felt the push in the opposite direction.
It has now reached a point where people who don't even know their Jewish DNA, are reminded about it - when they least expect it - by their neighbours, business associates or spouse... or from the most unlikely quarters: their offspring.
So far, nothing has worked; vilification, excommunication, naturalisation, extermination by the Goy or even exhortation by their well-meaning religious leaders (Heaven forbid were you to call them Rabbis!).
Now, with the sad happenings unfolding across Europe, barely seventy years after Holocaust, these ignorami still don't get it.  Instead of looking inside, the way they live, what they expect from themselves and the nearly non-existent spiritual existence - they use a scapegoat (=So'ir laAzozel) one or all of the following scourges: Anti-Semitism, Islam, extremism or Nationalism.
Isn't it time to wake up and heed the cry that emanates from Sinai, day in day out: Oy lohem laBeriyoys me'Elbonah shel Torah - woe is to the people who belittle the holy Torah.
This clarion call, in the form of a Bas-Kol, is being proclaimed every day, since the time our Creator heralded an era of Torah, by which every Jew is supposed to live and die, with the knowledge that without the Torah, the world cannot exist.
By ignoring the inner call for making a fresh start, the diaspora is suffering from a double-pronged problem: On the one hand, the nations of the world cannot wait to be rid of the Israelites, having felt their presence for thousands of years.  The problem was exacerbated in the past two centuries, when emancipation brought the downtrodden Jewish masses out of the Ghetto's onto the mainstream scene.
To add fuel to this conundrum, these so-called enlightened Jews, have abandoned hope of ever welcoming Moshiach - the anointed redeemer - when their non-Jewish neighbours have been waiting to see them gone since the French, industrial and communist revolutions.
Meanwhile, the ultra-Orthodox community, who as a people in exile have been praying for the Geulah in the past millennia.
With the recent killings in Paris, the paradox has come to haunt them: whilst their religious brethren have been waiting for such an opportunity since the destruction of the second Temple, these intelligentsia - who have no plans to move eastwards any time soon - are now being 'invited' by their long-time partners in crime, the Zionists, to come live in 'Israel'.
To illustrate the anomaly of the way Jewish people have been living on the edge, let's do some statistics:
How many people made Aliyah since 1948

How many people made Yeridah since 1948

How much ammunition was expended by the Arabs trying to kill 

How many people escaped injury since 1948

How many people died in combat against the Arab armies

How many people died in road accidents 

A Jew is always a Jew, no matter how much you denigrate him - he will not kill for the sake of killing!

Thank you, Laurence for sharing this article with me:

My Holocaust Revenge

I made a vow: If I survived Buchenwald, I would return and kill the mayor’s wife.

by Martin Greenfield

Excerpted from “Measure of a Man: From Auschwitz Survivor to Presidents’ Tailor” (Regnery) by Martin Greenfield with Wynton Hall.

This story reminds me of another story that I heard from my mother's uncle.  His sister was my grandmother and as such we used our Yeshivah years to reconnect with him.  The visits to his flat in Bet HaKerem - a suburb of Jerusalem - were opportunities to learn more about the holocaust, of which he was an integral part.  He went through six years of hell and suffered a cardiac arrest when at the witness stand during the famous trials in Nuremberg.  The things he didn't tell us were reflected in his colourless, lifeless eyes, thirty five years after he leapt to freedom during the death march.  They were being chased down a highway and at one of the turnings he - with a fellow inmate - used the opportunity to jump into the foliage, when their guards were either too far at the front of the column or beyond the bend at the back of the column to notice their dash to the woods.  Walking towards what they perceived as one of the central European countries (Yugoslavia or the Czech Republic), they stumbled upon a burly German farmer, who - upon seeing walking skeletons for the first time in his life - took them in for the winter.  He really saved their lives, but prickled their newly found sense of freedom when they had to hold down an oversized and fat-rich pig to be killed for the festive season of X-mas.  He was sitting on the back of the animal whilst his friend sat near the throat, listening with mixed emotions to the frantic noises coming out of the panicking animals mouth.  For a change, the wailing didn't come from human beings, to which they were so accustomed from their recent incarnation in the many slave, death and torture camps they passed through - and stayed alive!  The last time Mylech - my uncle's Yiddish name - felt like the pig was in Auschwitz, when he was a member of the six hundred-strong Sunder Kommando.  This was the squad whose grisly task it was to usher the victims into the 'shower rooms', remove their dead bodies half an hour later and carry out the most inhumane work relating to the above mentioned tasks, which are too vile to put in words.  On the day this incident happened, my uncle noticed a group of super pious men, which are known as 'Chasidim' in the throng of people being shuffled into the un-dressing room.   He knew what they - like the other 12,000 people that will die today - have no inkling of what awaits them and so he wanted these holy men to have a chance to perform the 'Mitzvah' of dying ''Al Kidush HaShem' with the proper preparatory rituals.  he went over to one of the elder men and murmured something into his ear, after which the 'Chossid' informed his cohorts the bitter-sweet truth: we now need to say 'Viduy' and then recite the 'Brochoh' for this lofty occasion: 'LeKadesh Shemo BoRabim'!  The ensuing wailing and tumult that broke out pulled along the hundreds of would be victims in the hall and as a result the 'job' of pushing them into the gas chambers became nearly impossible, so much so that the German overseers had to come in and restore order.  We'll leave out the details of how this was achieved.  When all was over and the human cargo was locked up in their last station, the overseer started to investigate how and who caused this unplanned disruption to the well oiled death machine and in the end it was a fellow inmate who pointed out my uncle to the commander.  In a fit if rage, the two legged animal ordered my uncle outside and in full view of the others had him lie down on the floor.  With his pistol drawn, he commanded my uncle to roll on the floor and then told him to get up.   Easy in'nit? Not so fast... My uncle knew that he's finished - one single shot and he will be dragged into the same ovens where he had to pull his own wife and two children to, after they were gassed to death in front of his eyes!  However, the German soldier had a more enjoyable pastime in his mind: let the Jewish dog live a little longer - and suffer even more.  You see, the are between the gas chambers and the crematoria was was were the ashes of the dead people were lying around, mixed with burnt wood and coal.  By ordering my uncle to roll on the rain-soaked floor, the ashes stuck to his clothes and face and when he stood up he was caked with black looking like a nigger.  My uncle tried to shake off the abhorrent 'paint' off his clothes and washed his face clean as much as he could, so that he shouldn't be shot for going around with dirty clothing.  When he told me the story, the matter of fact voice was that of a hardened survivor - he had jumped twice from a speeding train, when he was sent to Majdanek. However his voice changed drastically the moment he remembered the traitor, the man who betrayed him to the German commander who nearly killed him on the spot.  He told me: "this Jew now lives in the States and is afraid that I will come after him, as I vowed to kill him at the first opportunity.  What does he think, that I'm  like the Germans?!  Still whenever there is an event commemorating Auschwitz or any other Holocaust event, he makes sure not to bump into me".  This was nearly forty years after the event and the guy was still feeling sorry for the evil that he brought his fellow inmate.  The holocaust is not a thing of the past - like the free world wants us to believe - it lives in the conscience of untold victims to this day: Why did I survive, how could I have taken someone else's piece of bread or how could I have eaten my piece of bread, whilst watching my neighbour starve to death?  For this, no one could request the Jewish people forgive the German Volk!!!

מהשם מצעדי גבר כוננו ודרכו יחפץ HASHGOCHOH PROTIS

A Hashgochoh Protis story that emerged after the Har Nof massacre:
One of the Mispallelim in the Shul where the attack happened needs someone to drive him to Shul every morning, as he’s very old.  On the morning of the horrible events, he called a Taxi but was told that they will only have one in half an hour.  He tried another taxi company but the same answer was given.  He decided to try and flag a taxi off the road and so took his Zimmerframe and hobbled down to the street.  By the time he reached the road he realised that by now the Minyan would be up to Yishtabach and so there was no point going there as he won’t catch the Amidah anyway.  Only after he heard the noise from the emergency vehicles and some news started flooding in, did he realise why no taxi company had a car available for him. 

תורה חסה על ממונם של ישראל!

Can you please pass on the following to your mailing list, perhaps with a request to forward it on:

Please! When traveling to Italy on business or for a holiday - beware!  There dozens of gangs roaming around the exhibition halls, hotels and stations who 'organise' any of the following 'accidents' and offer you their curteous help - only for you to fall in their trap when afterwards you realise that you've been robbed clean!!!

This has happened as follows:

Example 1: You drive along after purchasing your new stock of jewellery when suddenly a neighbouring car indicates that your tyre is nearly flat.  WHen you stop the car they converge on it from anydie and when they have finished replacing your tyre you  realise that all your possesions have vanished.

Example 2: You sit in the train  minding your own business.  Suddnly a commotion ensues, as a few rogues start to harass an old lady, trying to tear awa her handbag or all her luggage comes tumbling down from the overhead racks.  When you get up to offer help, they seem to be frightened away and you return to your seat.  Lo and behold, your luggage has disappeared.

Example 3: You stand at a bus stop waiting and a professionally looking couple, town map in hand approach you looking a bit distressed.  They start asking you for directions, ignoring your explanations - both verbal and in sign language - until they 'give up'.  When you turn around looking at your attache case, it's gone!

Questions with questionable answers...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? - (not Zuma, that's for sure)
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Q. What is a toddy?

A. It's a lovely hot tea (no milk) with a swig of whisky in it.

Hashgochoh Protis V

“The tenth man”

Bournemouth, חשון תשע"ה

They were nine Yidden and the time to start  שחרית arrived. It didn't look like there will be a מנין any time soon as it was Thursday, when most of the Shabbos visitors were still out of town.

But I am getting ahead of myself; let's start from last year:

London, אלול תשע"ד

The new year was fast approaching so we decided to wish old Aunty Malka and even older Uncle Meir a לשנה טובה in person.  When we arrived they were very happy to see us but her health was failing and his nerves frazzled from caring for his wife. We realised that they need a holiday - urgently. The earliest possible Shabbos we could arrange a flat in Bournemouth would be פרשת לך לך, well after ראש השנהhowever we surmised that the mere fact that they were going for a break will help them tidy them over until then.

We confirmed the booking with the landlord and made the necessary Shabbos arrangements.

But I am getting ahead of myself - again; let's start from the beginning:
Meir and Malka were privileged to live in Eretz Yisroel and to top it off the Rebbe lived in the same apartment block. With time they became like close family, with Meir milling with the Gaboim and Malka becoming part of the extended family. When they decided to leave the holy land they kept up the קשר for some time but soon this was also a distant memory.

On the morning that this story happened – a good twenty years later - Meir was looking for a  מניןand when he was told at the Normandie hotel that there isn't one on the premises, but he should be able to find one down the road, a walk of about five minutes. He followed the instructions and soon noticed an open door.

Whilst he was approaching the house where the Rebbe - by now a son of his old neighbour - the Gaboim started to despair as the clock stroke eight and this meant they will be late.  Suddenly they saw a man in his seventies with a Tallis bag tucked under his arm walking in and nonchalantly enquiring about a מנין.  Short of jumping through the roof they welcomed him with such joy peppering him with an array of questions in fast-fire fashion: "Meir! How on earth did you drop in here?!", “how did you find us?!” and the like.

They were nine Yidden and one more - the time to start שחרית is now.

The Master Planner arranged it so that old Meir and Malka should come to town Punkt when they were needed

ShabbatUK Parshas Noach

ShabbasUK Parshas Noach

In memory of Rabbi Noach Weinberg OB"M,

Founding father of the Aish Torah Renaissance Movement

Just one Shabbos and we'll all be free

Here I am, sitting with you and I wonder...

You are a sister, a brother – my kin

My ancestors are yours

It's the same family that we're in

And you, sitting opposite me wonder...

We are worlds apart  - there's a vast separation

So close at heart

Yet, we still make for an odd combination

This Shabbos we sit inches away and contemplate

Our thoughts merging, orbiting, soaring ... swelling

My life and yours fuse as one

Your story becomes mine for telling

It's a story to behold – long and magical

Of a People with a past so tear-filled and victorious

A story of G-D's love and compassion to His children

Throughout a history so glorious

It is a story in which G-D gave us a precious gift,

The Shabbos – to rejuvenate, to inspire, to uplift

A time to wipe the tears, soldier on and freshen up

Be renewed with vigour, reach out for the top

It's a tale where G-D gives us his word, a decree:

Guard the Shabbos and the Shabbos will guard thee

But Shabbos became a minor role in the lives of many

As farther away the generations from Sinai went

With it went our connection with our Creator – a spiritual descent

But now is our chance

Now is the time to convey

The message that WE CAN GET THE SHABBOS TO STAY

JUST ONE SHABBOS is all we need to be set free,

Let's do it all together – we all have one destiny

And as we celebrate with Jews all over the land,

DIVIDED WE FALL UNITED WE STAND!

Gut Shabbos

M. Scharf, Beis Yaakov North London

The author, a young Yiddishe child contemplates the separation between fellow Yidden – how we all come from Sinai but some have lost our heritage – and wills those unfortunate enough not to have experienced a Shabbos to stand together and partake of the holy day this week and always henceforth.

ShabbatUK

Get Ready for ShabbatUK on 24/25 October

ShabbatUK is just around the corner, (or just the other side of Sukkos, to be precise).

Two question you need to answer:

1) If you haven’t started planning how you will be part of this gigantic step forward for Yiddishkeit (Lit. Judaism), what are you waiting for?  Enrol into one of the many learning sessions that are springing up in your area - geared to coincide with this communal event.  For more information contact your Start Your Day the Torah Way in your area (if you can't find the details, contact me by eMail or on my mobile number as shown below).

2) Give 'em a taster: invite your as-yet-non-Frum neighbours, work colleagues or distant family members into your Sukkah on Chol HaMo'ed (the in-between days between the first and the final days of the Yomtef). The benefits of doing so is twofold:

a) They will not travel on Shabbos or Yom Tov and
b) You will be able to give them a non-restricted experience of how it feels to be with Frummers, without too many strings attached...

3) One of the many ways to begin the ShabbatUK experience is to book a place at the Great Challah Bake on Thursday 23 October.

4) If any of the above doesn't seem to work for you, just add something to your own Shabbos experience, be it either during Davening (prayers), Leyning (Reading of the Bible) the Se'udos (meals) like a Devar Torah (learning) or Zemiros (songs) or enliven someone else's Shabbos by paying a short visit.

For more information click here.

Wishing you a very good Sukkos

Menasche Scharf

07974 160 252

Hashgochoh Protis IV - השגחה פרטית

Freshly happened Hashgocho Protis

I usually buy my weekly bus pass to reach my workplace.  As I would be travelling only half of this week (until Erev Sukkot) I decided to travel by bus rather than by Tube, which would save me around fifteen pounds.

To reach my destination I need to take a couple of buses and as I was waiting for the second bus – a forlorn spot in Tottenham where Jewish drivers hardly ever come through – I toyed with the idea of how foolish it is for me to expect a lift to work.  For a Heimishe driver to drive by he would need to make a whole detour and it didn’t make any sense why one would come this way.

Finally I saw the bus in the distance and as it came nearer there was an outline of this familiar silver-grey Previa chugging along in front of the bus.  I didn’t give it much thought but as it drove past me the car suddenly slowed down and the driver beckoned me to jump in.  This was my first free ride all the way to the office this year 5775, hopefully one of many more to come…

As I was making myself comfortable I saw the driver fumbling with his mobile ‘phone (“don’t do that whilst driving!” I was thinking to myself), which he used to answer an urgent call from a frantic client.  It turns out that he went to an office where he was meant to meet the client early in the morning, however the man wasn’t there and after waiting for the better part of an hour he proceeded to his next stop.

The route to his next stop took him past this obscure spot where I was standing.  He readily agreed that the ultimate reason for him being there was to be Zoiche to give a lift a to a fellow Jew, which he did with Simcha – מי כעמך ישרא-ל!

I waited less than ten minutes for a ride – he waited half an hour to give me one…

Trouble for London

Tube strike 08/07/2015

Bus drivers should be considerate of the Tube passengers, who are forced to endyre the slow pace of the bus network during a Tube strike.

Last week, one driver bumped off all passengers as the lower floor was packed with passengers whilst the upper floor was half-empty.

A simple gesture like informing passengers crammed below that there is a comfortable seat waiting for them upstairs, would have solved the problem.

Instead, about seventy passengers stood on the pavement waiting for the next bus to pick them up, only to discover that it's already full.

Siyum on Seder Mo'ed

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: menasche scharf <menasche.scharf@gmail.com>
Date: 18 September 2014 09:57
Subject: Siyum on Seder Mo'ed
To: JT <mar@jewishtribune.com>

For immediate release:

London,  17/09/2014

By Menasche Scharf

Siyum on Seder Mo'ed
Daf Yomi participants are eagerly looking forward to completing Seder Mo'ed, which is nearly a third of the Daf Yomi cycle.

To commemorate this milestone, a grandiose celebration is being planned for the many participants in the Greater London area.

The dedicated team of Askonim at Agudas Israel of Great Britain is working tirelessly to ensure the success of this event and with the lineup of speakers it looks like they are well placed to raise Kevod HaTorah in general and a renewed appreciation of this august study programme in particular. 

Menasche Scharf

07974 160 252

Trouble for London

11/09/2014 9:16 Finsbury Park shows a delayed 9:14 train due to arrive.  I don't rush as whatever the case I will be late. When I reach the platform I skip all the steps up to catch the train that I hear pulling into the station. I ignore the ticketing barriers and opt for the open gate, risking the raised eyebrows from staff and travellers alike. I find a seat in the full train at the far end of the carriage, puffing and panting from the short sprint up the flight of stairs. The lady sitting diagonally opposite me eyes me with obvious concern and from the corner of my eye I am already visualising her grabbing her mobile phone to be on the ready if there is a need for an ambulance. . .
Finally I can breathe normally and I start noticing that the train hasn't departed the station yet. There is an announcement over the PA system to the effect that the delay was caused as they are looking for a driver bla bla...
The saving of five minutes that I was hoping to get by taking the Welwyn Garden City train to New Southgate has just been shaved...

HASHGOCHOH PROTIS III

As told by my friend:

I have been travelling to and from work in the West End of London for the past fifty years.  Most of my trips are by tube and on this occasion - at the time this story took place - was no different. 

I am a regular traveller and on that day, halfway through my return trip from work, the train stopped in Euston Underground station.  The usual two minute stop turned into four minutes and before long, an announcement was heard over the public system to the effect that due to a fault on the rails, this train will be staying put for at least an hour - if not longer.

It was a Friday afternoon, around Purim time, when the days are not too short but also not too long either, and I therefore decided to travel home by bus, so to arrive home with plenty time for my Shabbos preparations.

As I was traversing the main concourse in Euston British Rail Station, my eyes caught a small group of perhaps three Bochurim who were gesticulating to the cashier at the ticket office.  When I stopped to ascertain if they are in trouble, they noticed me and - visibly elated - approached me.  What they were telling me made me cringe and smile at the same time, for they had been trying to convince the clerk to accept Charity Vouchers in lieu of payment for their fare to Manchester.

They insisted that they have no money on them except these vouchers and begged me to exchange them for "real" money.  I complied with their request and one of the boys - they must have been aged between 15 to 16 years old - went over to the ticket office to finalise their purchase.

It was already afternoon and I tried to explain to them that they better hurry up as in order to reach their destination they would need to depart pretty soon. They agreed and started walking towards the platforms, when I stopped them in their tracks and asked them to explain to me how on earth did they expect to arrive in Manchester without money and at such a late hour?!  They answered "HaKadoh Baruch Hu Ozer"....

Now, it is the first time that a train should be held up for such a long time - at least as far as I can remember - and on a Friday afternoon to boot.  Had I chosen to take a different exit then I would never have come across this motley group of adventurers...  It looks like they were experiencing a Hashgocho Protis event in which I was chosen to be their troubleshooter!

Watch your spell checker...

watch your spell checker...

WhatsApp video

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From the horse's mouth...

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כוחה של שמע ישראל

Menasche Scharf

07974 160 252

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "S Elias" <selias@talktalk.net>
Date: 3 Aug 2014 20:26
Subject: Fw: Fwd: כוחה של שמע ישראל

סיפור מדהים!! כח צהל שניכנס לאחד המסגדים בעזה החל בחיפושים אחרי אמל"ח. כשלפתע יצאה מאחד החדרים מחבלת שביקשה לפוצץ עצמה על החיילים. אחד מאנשי הכח שהבחין בכוונתה,  צעק  באינסטינקט את שני המילים "שמע ישראל"!! כשאז החל הנס-המחבלת התחילה לרעוד. החיילים הצליחו ברגע זה להשתלט עליה ולנטרל את המטען שנשאה והעבירו אותה לחקירת השב"כ. ואז התברר שאם המחבלת היא יהודיה שנישאה לערבי בארץ ולאחר החתונה הוא הבריח אותה לעזה ושם היא חייה בהשפלות והתעללות. כח של שיריון יצא להביא את שני ילדיה הקטנים לארץ. ה'מחבלת' אף מסרה פרטים שאסור לפרסם אך סייעו לצה"ל בחשיפת מנהרה ודירת מפקדה של ראשי חמאס. המחבלת ושני ילדיה כרגע במיתקן של השבכ. ולאחר המבצע היא תועבר לארגון 'יד לאחים' לשיקום חייה. מדהים!! מה כוחה של זעקת "שמע ישראל" שבוקעת מכל ליבו של חייל יהודי!!! מדהים!! "הנה לא ינום ולא יישן..."

 יום נעים!

It’s Okay. Don’t Cry for Us Israelis

By Naomi Ragen 

It’s Okay. Don’t Cry for Us Israelis By Naomi Ragen I’m sitting here in Jerusalem after a week of heartbreak over three murdered Teens, followed by  two weeks of sirens, bomb blasts, and finally, the funerals Of young IDF soldiers, of whom one-third are students who should be taking their Final exams, instead of risking their lives.  I’m  reading on the Internet About what a horrible person I am as an Israeli and as a Jew, and what a Terrible, immoral country I live in. All this criticism comes mainly from the European press: The Guardian, the BBC, Papers in Italy, Norway, France, and don’t forget America: The New York Times, CNN.  And I’m thinking: Gee, the British should understand.  After all, they Lived through the blitz, Nazis raining bombs indiscriminately down on them, the Way Hamas is raining bombs down on us.  And when the brave pilots of the RAF Aimed their bombs at Dresden killing 300,000 men, women and children, they didn’t throw down leaflets telling people to politely evacuate; didn’t send Their soldiers to knock on doors to see if they’d followed the leaflets Instructions ( as CNN complained Israel failed to do at an UNRWA school, which Was probably hit by a Hamas bomb anyway.) And I think of the rest of Europe, who rounded up our  grandparents and Great-grandparents, and relatives –men, women and children—and sent them off to Be gassed, no questions asked.  And I think:  They are now the moral arbiters of The free world?  They are telling the descendants of the people they murdered How to behave when other anti-Semites want to kill them? As for Americans, represented by the New York Times, that bastion of high-minded Hypocrisy and mediocre journalism parading as the “newspaper of record,” one has Only to read the article by Professor Auerbach in the New York Observer (Two Weeks of Shallow, Facile Moral Equivalency From the New York Times) to see how Jodi Rudoren and other Times apparatchiks have learned to close their minds and Love Hamas.  After all, there are CHILDREN DYING.  It doesn’t matter that the Palestinians have educated an entire generation to be little Nazi-wannabes, who Worship death and hate Jews, murdering their  souls, and are now callously Putting their bodies in harm’s way to use for touching photo ops.  We shouldn’t Be shocked by this omission by the Times. After all,  The New York Times was one Of the last news outlets to bring to the attention of the reading public the Nazi atrocities in Europe.  Read the Times during the nightmare years, and see If you can’t find a pattern here. And so, as an Israeli, brought up with Jewish values, and an American, taught to Love freedom, justice, democracy and fair play, I have to tell all of you- Europeans, Americans, and last of all Muslim terrorist sympathizers and Barbarians,  that what you are saying no longer moves anyone of good moral Judgment and intelligence. The current crisis in Gaza is so morally clear-cut, So absolutely a case of self-defense, that I must say to you, as someone finally Said to Senator McCarthy: “Sir, have you no shame?” I prefer that you - writers of these lies and libels-- hate me and my country, If it means that you can save your tears for other peoples dead. We aren’t Greedy for sympathy.  After all, we got so much after the Holocaust, we prefer Other people to have their share now. These days, we prefer to live, rather than Have people cry over us and the injustices done to us. So by all means, cry for the Palestinian people - men women and children- whose Duly elected leadership has callously left them without protection from just Retribution for their terrorist crimes. Who took their aid money and are living In Qatar in five star hotels building shopping centers for themselves. Who built Terrorist tunnels under their homes, mosques, hospitals and schools, and Recruited their sons to die for Allah, while they sit in bunkers waiting for the U.N. To rescue them. Don’t cry for us, or our families, or our children, or grandchildren.  Not  this Time. Not ever.  Not  if we can help it. Because this time, thank God,  we have A country.  We are armed.  This time, with God's help,  we know how to protect Ourselves from Nazis and their high-minded media cheerleaders. I would like to end this with an expletive and a hand gesture towards the People I’m addressing.  Please choose one you think would be fitting.  I can Think of many.

Naomi Ragen (born July 10, 1949) is an American-Israeli Orthodox Jewish author, playwright and women’s rights activist. Ragen lives in Jerusalem and writes in English.

עיתון ספרדי - השמדנו 6 מיליון חכמים וקיבלנו במקומם 20 מיליון מוסלמים טיפשים

חבריי היקרים !

 על רקע הקריקטורות (על הנביא מוחמד) והזעם המוסלמי המשתולל באירופה התפרסם בעיתוי זה מאמר באנגלית בעיתון אירופאי על יד עיתונאי ספרדי ולהלן תרגום המאמר הנדיר הזה:   

כל החיים האירופיים מתו באושוויץ

חשוב מאד :  האירופים מתחילים להבין - אבל קצת מאוחר !!!!

סבסטיאן וילאר רודריגז 

הלכתי ברחוב בברצלונה ולפתע גיליתי אמת מחרידה - אירופה מתה באושוויץ.
הרגנו ששה מליון יהודים והחלפנו אותם בעשרים מיליון מוסלמים. באושוויץ שרפנו תרבות, מחשבה, יצירתיות, כשרון. הרסנו את העם הנבחר, באמת נבחר, כי הם הולידו אנשים גדולים ונפלאים, אשר שינו את העולם.
תרומתם של אנשים אלה מורגשת בכל תחומי החיים: מדע, אומנות, מסחר בינלאומי ומעל לכל - מצפונו של העולם. אלה האנשים ששרפנו.
ותחת העמדת פנים של סובלנות, ומכיוון שרצינו להוכיח לעצמנו שנרפאנו ממחלת הגזענות, פתחנו שערינו ל20 מליון מוסלמים, אשר הביאו עלינו טיפשות ובורות, קיצוניות דתית ואי-סובלנות, פשע ועוני הנובעים מאי רצון לעבוד ולקיים את משפחותיהם בכבוד.
הם הפכו את הערים הספרדיות היפהפיות שלנו לעולם השלישי, טובעות בזוהמה ופשע.
הם מסתגרים בדירות שקיבלו בחינם מהממשלה ובהן הם מתכננים את הרצח וההרס של מארחיהם התמימים.
וכך - לרוע מזלנו, החלפנו תרבות בשנאה פנאטית, כישרונות יצירתיים בכישורי הרס, אינטליגנציה בפיגור ודעות קדומות. המרנו את רדיפת השלום של יהדות אירופה ותכונתם לתקוות לעתיד טוב יותר לילדיהם, היצמדותם הנחושה בחיים כי החיים קדושים,

באלה אשר תרים אחר המוות, באנשים אשר נכלים בתשוקת המוות לעצמם ולאחרים, לילדינו ולילדיהם.
איזו טעות נוראה נעשתה על ידי אירופה האומללה.

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- אנא שלחו מאמר זה למירב האנשים שאתם יכולים, בצירוף הבקשה להעביר זאת הלאה. על האמת להיאמר!