New Year resolutions

By: Kriendy Scharf
Date: 19/08/2005

New Year resolutions are important. Can you imagine how people would behave if we would not have a Rosh Hashanah to make our Cheshbon Hanefesh? Even business men have their day of reckoning when they have to fill in their tax returns. In this way they know how their business is running and in which area there is a lack of funds. Most people will agree that although a final reckoning is time consuming and sometimes unfortunately you discover things you are not too happy about, at least it keeps us from straying too far from the correct path. So what hints can I give you about those New Year resolutions? The big secret to success is to be RESOLUTE about your RESOLUTIONS. Which means: stick to them. Make them short; make them simple but stick to them. First decide in which area you would like to improve we call that trouble shooting. Next: Think carefully what you can do about that problem. we call that seeking solutions You need a quiet room to do that in or even a quiet corner will do. A good place would be in your bed, just before drifting off into dreamland. Preferably use a pen and paper when you do this process it helps you concentrate. Do not worry about having that paper all neatly marked out. That is not the point of the exercise. You can scribble and doodle through your thought processes. Before you run of to get that blank sheet of paper I'll guide you through a few examples. Trouble Shooting 1: Shira from Vienna shared her weakness with me. My books are shabby, and dog eared with scribbles on the front cover. My teacher once called me over after marking my vocabulary test. She told me I know what you had for supper yesterday. You had yogurt and bread with chocolate spread. I stared at her in amazement. Frankly I was wondering what else she knew about my personal life. Till she showed me my vocabulary book. The last page had bread crumbs, pink yogurt stains and brown smudges on it. We did some Seeking Solutions together. Shira decided that she would no longer study or do homework in the kitchen or eating areas. It was too risky. She would designate an area in the dining room where she would do her work. She even typed out a poster Shira s Homework corner. Shira shared with me that her mother used to test her whilst preparing supper and that sometimes accounted for some oil splattering and further smudges. Shira thought for a while and then came up with the ingenious idea of putting her book in a see through lunch bag first before taking it to her mother. We even tried it out. It was perfect we could read everything very clearly. Shira thought long and hard about the scribbles on the front and the bent curly tops of her pages. In the end she called a friend who had the same problem. They decided that at the end of the first term they would compare their books. The one whose books looked the worse would have to buy a gift to reward her friend! Shira was very enthusiastic about the competition. Trouble Shooting 2: Coming to school the last minute or even worse coming to school late. Seeking Solutions: Prepare everything the night before. You leave nothing for the morning. Your school uniform, your tights, your sewing or art folder leaning onto your school bag so that you can t miss it. Small change for morning Tzedakah, or an envelope with money for lunch. Absolutely nothing is left for the early morning rush. Invest in a packet of those wonderful post-it notes. Stick a reminder on the front door. Take lunch out of fridge. I know a mother who refuses to sign homework, iron school blouses, or give coins in the last minute. She tells them if you don t ask me in a calm dignified manner, I m sorry you’ll just have to deal with your things on your own. Trouble Shooting 3: Rivka knows that she can act fresh. She gets into trouble too often. She claims that her mouth works faster than her mind. Seeking Solutions: Say the magic words I am sorry. Never answer back when you are being told off. Teachers understand that students are not angels. Take it from me a teacher of eighteen years. Students who admit to their weaknesses and apologise are admired for their strength of character. Students who are always arguing about their punishments show lack of character. They feel that they are saving face arguing; in reality the opposite is true. Accept rebuke with grace. Very often kids get themselves into deep trouble not because of their actual misbehaviour but rather because of the way they reacted when they were told off. Nothing wrong with an occasional apology letter if you find facing the teacher too hard. Remember though to be sincere. Starting your first day of school means a start to three terms of three stages.
Stage one: Survival Stage two: Maintenance Stage three: vision.
Stage one has been discussed in great detail - how to survive as a good student. It means basically staying out of trouble and making a good impression. It means meeting deadlines such as arriving on time, finishing projects and giving in homework assignments on schedule.
Stage Two to maintain those resolutions we need to be resolute. Keep looking back and check on yourself regularly for signs of slipping. It means doing that extra bit in order to grow as a student. It means skimming over your notes the night before so that you can participate when the teacher starts with revision work. It means offering to stay longer after school to prepare the walls for open day.
Searching for solutions is part of maintenance.
For instance Pella V wanted to work on the social aspect of school life. She was a good student but very shy and introverted. She bought a small calendar in which she recorded the birthdays of each of her classmates. They were touched that she made sure to remember them and give them a birthday card on their special day. That was all about MAINTAINING friendships. Offering to write notes for a student who will be away is another example of social maintenance.
Stage Three: Vision. You foresee the future. You have hopes, plans and aspirations.
Mascha A. from London has a special folder where she keeps articles of interest or thought provoking poems which she feels might come in use later on when she will be a teacher or group leader. My friend at school had an orange highlighter which she used to highlight interesting stories or parables so that she would find them at a glance. Another friend created her indexed story book over the years where she filed away according to subject, stories told by her school teachers. Wishing you luck in those vital three stages and more about it next time. Perhaps you would like to share with other Mishpacha readers some of your ideas for seeking solutions.